Talking to your child about weight

Being healthy is about eating a balanced diet, keeping active and getting plenty of rest. It’s so much more than how much we weigh or what our individual body shape is.

So if you do talk about your child’s weight, let them know it’s because you want them to grow well and be healthy, not because they should look a certain way. And when you’re talking to your child about the things they can do to look after their health (like keeping active and eating plenty of fruit and veg), focus on how these things will make them feel better and fitter, not thinner.

You might avoid talking about weight because you’re not sure how to answer any questions. But remember, the most important thing is that your child feels able to talk to you, not whether you have the perfect answer straight away. 

If you don’t know the answer to a question they ask, you could take it as an opportunity to talk about it (‘I don’t know – what do you think?’), talk to other family members or friends about it or to look up the answer together on a reliable website like NHS Inform. 

Pick times when it’s more natural to talk about food, activity or weight. For example:

• if your child brings up the topic when you’re chatting together
• if the issues of weight or diet come up in something you’re watching together you could discuss the storyline
• when a child talks about their own or someone else’s size, you could use this as an opportunity to chat about it.

Your child may not want to talk about weight or size in front of other siblings or family members, so try to find a time when no one else is around and you can chat privately, for example, when you’re walking somewhere or are in the car.

Don’t push them to talk about weight or size if they choose not to. As long as they know you’re open to talking about it, they’ll come to you in their own time.

Open questions require more than a yes or no answer, so asking open questions can encourage your child to talk about what they’ve heard or may be worried about. For example, you could ask them ‘What do you think about….?’ instead of ‘Are you worried about…?’

If you’re talking about healthy eating or being more active or size and weight, make sure you give your child plenty of time and opportunity to ask questions and bring up anything they may be wondering about.

Make sure they know that everyone deserves respect – whatever their body size, shape or ability. Praise your child for a variety of things so they know you love them for who they are, not what they look like or only when they do well at something.

Your child doesn’t necessarily feel the same way about their weight or size as you do, or as you did as a child, so don’t assume you know how they feel.