Eating disorders

Children can sometimes be picky about food, refuse to eat certain things or sometimes eat more than they usually would. Young people sometimes experiment with different diets. This is quite natural and doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong.

In fact, eating disorders often aren’t about food at all. They’re complex mental illnesses that can affect anyone.

If you’re worried that your child has an eating disorder it can be scary for them and for you. But it’s important to remember that it’s nobody’s fault and there’s lots of help out there. Here you can find out more about eating disorders, the signs to look for and what to do if you’re concerned about your child.

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How eating disorders can affect young people

In this video, clinical psychologist Fiona Duffy explains how eating disorders can affect young people and shares advice for parents.

What are eating disorders?

Anyone can develop an eating disorder, regardless of age, gender, or background. Eating disorders can be seriously damaging to health, and can also have a negative impact on school, work and social life.

People with eating disorders don’t choose to have them and can’t help being ill. So if your child or teen develops an eating disorder, it's important not to blame yourself or them. It’s not your fault – or anyone else’s. It’s much more important to concentrate on the things you can do to support them to get better.

The most common eating disorders are:

Anorexia, where a person tries to keep their weight as low as possible by strictly controlling and limiting what they eat. They may also overexercise.
Bulimia, where a person eats large quantities of food and then tries to get rid of the food by ‘purging’ – for example, by making themselves sick or taking laxatives (medication that makes you poo). They may also over exercise.
Binge eating, where a person eats large quantities of food over a short period of time and can find it difficult to stop.

If someone has eating problems that don’t exactly fit these symptoms, they may be diagnosed with an “other specified feeding or eating disorder” (OSFED). This is very common, and is just as serious as anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder. People suffering from OSFED need and deserve treatment just as much as anyone else with an eating disorder. You can find out more about OSFED on the Beat website.

Eating disorders can also include conditions that cause a person to avoid certain foods or types or food, or restrict how much they eat, or both. These are know as avoidant/restrictive food intake disorders (ARFID). You can find out more about ARFID on the Beat website.

What causes eating disorders?

It might seem strange, but although people with eating disorders can be obsessive about their weight, eating disorders aren’t all about food. Instead, the eating behaviour might be a coping mechanism for stress or a way to feel in control. Some eating disorders might be affected by genetic factors, so someone with a family history of eating disorders may be more likely to develop one.

You can find out more about the possible causes of eating disorders on the NHS Inform website.

It’s important to remember that if your child develops an eating disorder it’s nobody’s fault – not theirs, yours or anyone else’s. Instead of looking for someone or something to blame, the most positive thing you can do is focus on helping them recover.

While you can’t prevent your child or teen from developing an eating disorder, there are things you can do to encourage them to feel more confident about their bodies and themselves as they grow up. You can find tips for helping them have a good body image here.

What are the signs my child may have an eating disorder?

People with eating disorders often try to hide them, which means spotting the signs can be tricky. However, some signs to look out for are:

Regularly skipping meals or telling you they’ve already eaten
Being secretive about food and what or how much they’re eating
Obsessive calorie counting
Being self-consciousness about eating in front of other people
Low self-esteem
Having distorted beliefs about their body size
Irritability and mood swings
Tiredness
Difficulty concentrating
Becoming withdrawn from family of friends
Appearing guilty or anxious
Suddenly losing or gaining a lot of weight
Wearing very loose clothes to hide their body
Becoming obsessed with exercise or being very fidgety and unable to sit down
Disappearing from the table after meals (in order to make themselves sick)
Saying they’re unhappy with their body
Large amounts of food missing from the kitchen.

Of course some of these can just be normal teenage behaviour and nothing to worry about. But if you notice a few of these signs or you have a feeling that something isn’t right, it’s best to trust your instincts and talk to your child.

You can find out more about different eating disorders and what to look out for if you’re worried on the Beat Eating Disorders and NHS Inform websites.

How can I talk to my child or teen about eating disorders?

You may be worried about how to approach your child if you’re concerned they may have an eating disorder. People with eating disorders often don’t realise they have a problem, or try to hide what’s going on, so may deny that anything’s wrong if you ask them. But lots of people who’ve recovered from eating disorders agree that bringing the problem out into the open is the right thing to do, even if they didn’t feel that way at the time. Because the sooner your child or teen gets treatment, the greater their chance of a full and lasting recovery.

Here are some tips for starting the conversation with them.

Tip #1: Think about what you want to say and make sure you feel informed

By reading this page, you’ve already taken the first step to becoming more informed. Take a look at the information on the Beat and NHS Inform websites to find out more. This leaflet from Beat for families and carers is a good place to start. Once you feel more confident, think about what you’re going to say, before you start the conversation.

Choose a place to talk where you both feel safe and won’t be disturbed. Pick a time when you’re relaxed, not in a hurry and neither of you feels angry or upset. It’s best to avoid talking to them just before or after meals as your child may be anxious around mealtimes.

It may help if you’re doing something else at the same time, like going for a walk or sitting in the car. Your child might find it easier to open up if the situation is relaxed and they don’t have to look at you. The YoungMinds website has some good suggestions for things you can do together that also give you a chance to talk.

Tip #3: Have some information with you that you can refer to

You could share this information with them, or leave it with them to look at by themselves. For example, you could look at the information for young people on eating disorders on Childline or YoungMinds.

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While it may be necessary to bring this up to explain why you’re worried, food and weight may be things your child feels particularly sensitive about. Try to remember that eating disorders are about what the person is feeling rather than how they’re treating food. Mention things that have concerned you, and try to avoid listing too many things as they may feel like they’ve been "watched".

Tip #5: Start sentences with "I" not "you"

For example, “I wondered if you’d like to talk about how you’re feeling” or “I’ve noticed you’ve been very withdrawn recently, would you like to talk to me about it?” is a gentler approach than “You’re not eating enough” or “You need to get help”.

If they do open up to you, it’s really important to listen to what they’re saying and not to interrupt or contradict them or judge. You may not understand some of the things they say (for example, if they say that eating a biscuit will make them put on weight, or if they miss one exercise session they’ll “get fat”) but these concerns will be very real for them.

Tip #7: Keep calm

You may find your child gets angry and defensive. Try to avoid getting angry too, and don’t be disheartened or put off. If they shout at you, a good tip is to take 5 deep breaths before you reply to them. Reassure them that you love them and you’ll be there when they’re ready to talk. Our pages on coping with parenting when you're raising a teen and dealing with conflict has more tips for staying calm.

Tip #8: Don’t wait too long before approaching them again

This might feel even harder than the first conversation, especially if they didn’t react well. But if you’re still worried, keeping quiet about it won’t help. Remember, the sooner your child can get treatment, the better.

What should I do if I’m concerned my child or teen has an eating disorder?

If you’ve talked to your child about your concerns, well done. This is the first step to helping them get better, and it’s not an easy one. The next step is to help them get treatment. An eating disorder is an illness, and like all illnesses, the sooner it can be treated the better. (Although this doesn’t mean that if someone has had an eating disorder for a long time they won’t get better.)

The best place to start is with your GP. If your child refuses to come to an appointment with you, you can always talk to your GP yourself about your concerns. Whether you talk to the doctor with your child or alone, Beat have a really helpful pdf on their website that you can download and take with you to your GP which will help you explain the situation to them.

Ideally, your GP will refer your child to a specialist who can help them. If your child is under 18 and refuses to receive essential treatment, you may be able to overrule them if this is in their best interests. You can find out more about how the NHS can help, your child’s rights as a patient and what to expect on the Healthcare Improvement Scotland website.

Eating disorders and social media

Eating disorders can be caused by a wide range of reasons that still aren't clearly known. However, our obsession with "perfection" on social media is often blamed. Some posts and websites even represent eating disorders as a lifestyle choice rather than an illness. You can find out more about the dangers of ‘Pro-Ana’ and ‘Pro-Mia’ web content (content that promotes anorexia and bulimia) on the Beat website.

It’s important to talk to your child regularly about the kind of websites they visit and the people they follow on social media, so you can pick up any warning signs early on. Our pages on talking to your child about online safety and online safety for teens have tips on how to do this.

Looking after yourself

If your child has an eating disorder, this can be stressful and exhausting for you and everyone else in your family. So it’s important to look after yourself too, or you might find it more difficult to support anyone else. Talking to a trusted friend or joining a support group can really help. You can find out more about looking after yourself if you’re supporting someone with an eating disorder on the Beat website.

Help and support

If you’re worried that your child may have an eating disorder, or if they’ve been diagnosed with one, you may feel a huge range of different emotions. But it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. There’s lots of help out there for your child, and for you and your family.

Beat Eating Disorders

Beat offers lots of help and support for people with eating disorders and their families, including helplines, web chat, resources and chat rooms. You can find out more about Beat’s support services in Scotland here.

Beat also offers the following support for people caring for someone with an eating disorder:

Developing Dolphins is a free online training course for anyone caring for someone with an eating disorder. Learning online over five weekday evenings, you’ll find out more about eating disorders, gain an understanding of the driving forces behind them, and learn some techniques to help your loved one in recovery and look after your own wellbeing. You can find out more about Developing Dolphins here.
POD (Peer support and Online Development) is Beat's online carer community designed to provide people supporting someone with an eating disorder with a space to learn, share experiences and find support. Access to POD can be found here. On your first visit to the platform you'll be asked to create a log-in, after doing this, you'll gain full access to the platform and will be able to use the forums, complete e-learning modules and book onto workshops.
Harnessing Hope is a carer skills workshop designed for those supporting someone with an enduring eating disorder (i.e. one that has been consistently present for 5 years or more). Delivered over 5 weeks by experienced eating disorder clinicians, the course aims to reduce carer isolation and provide tools and skills to support your loved one’s recovery. You can find out more about Harnessing Hope on Beat's elearning platform.
Raising Resilience is a series of online workshops for carers. Along with others caring for someone with an eating disorder, you’ll learn new skills from an experienced eating disorder clinician. You can find out more about Raising Resilience here.
SPOT (Schools Professionals Online Training) is an e-learning hub that enables school professionals to help pupils into treatment quickly. You can find out more about SPOT here.

Cared

Cared offers resources for parents and carers of young people (aged up to 25) in Scotland who have recently received a diagnosis of an eating disorder and are about to or have just started treatment.

FEAST

FEAST (Families Empowered And Supporting Treatment for Eating Disorders) is a global support and education community of and for parents of those with eating disorders.

Talk-ED

Talk-ED offer 1-to-1 support calls for people with eating disorders and their loved ones. You can find out more about their services on the Talk-ED website.

YoungMinds

YoungMinds have information on eating disorders for parents and for young people. They also offer a helpline and webchat and email services for parents who are worried about their child’s mental health.