Coping with being a parent

Being a parent can be hard work. We all want to be the best parents possible. But at times it can be difficult to keep calm when your kids are acting up. If you feel you’re getting frustrated and losing patience, there are ways to calm things down.

All kids can act up. Sometimes they do it to test boundaries, sometimes they want attention and other times they’re just being kids. You may find yourself getting wound up, but none of us like shouting or losing our temper. It’s upsetting for everyone. Cuddles are better than shouting any day.

Your child copies you and learns from that. So keeping calm, as difficult as it can be, will help them learn to control their own emotions.

It may feel impossible not to get angry when they’re pushing your buttons, but there are things you can do which will help you stay calm.

• If you are angry, avoid eye contact with them for a moment as you try to calm down.
• Count to five with your eyes closed. You could even ask them to count with you.
• Step away for 5 minutes if you can safely.
• Take some deep breaths until you feel yourself calming down.
• Pick your battles, some situations aren’t worth getting in to an argument about.
• Before you react, pause and think about how you want to deal with this.
• Sometimes it’s best to talk things over when you’re not in the heat of the moment. Tell them that you’re both upset, and need a break right now. You can then talk about it later.

After you’ve given yourself a chance to calm down, it’s easier to deal with your child and to calm them down, too. Here are some things you can try:

• Ask yourself why they’re misbehaving. They might just be tired, hungry, or excitable. If you don’t know what’s wrong, ask them. If they’re little, maybe use colours, pictures, or their toys to help.
• Get down to their level. Sometimes all they need is a cuddle and let them know you understand how they feel.
• Talk to them calmly to explain why what they were doing was wrong.
• Let them know that you’re listening and understand their feelings.
• With very young children, it may help to distract them with a book, a toy, or looking at what’s going on around you.
• If you’re both shouting, no one hears each other. If you speak in a quiet voice, it’ll make you seem like you’re the one in control – and they’ll have to stop shouting to hear you.

When they’re in danger, stay as calm as you can and remove them from the situation. Give them lots of reassurance and hugs – you’ll probably both have had a fright! Once you’ve both calmed down you can explain why it was dangerous and how they should behave in future.

If they’re doing something that might hurt someone else, gently and calmly remove them and tell them why they aren’t allowed to do this. Try and find out what the problem is - are they frustrated by something that’s happening?